| Courage to Know Oneself | | | | is it that we’re really afraid of, anyway?” |
| | | | There’s an old Jewish expression that translates |
| I have had a lot of fear in my life. Much of the fear | | | | roughly into, “Don’t look too deep.” I think the |
| started when I was nine years old and developed an | | | | entire Judeo-Christian ethos is based on the belief that |
| unbearable fear of dying. I would lie in bed at night, | | | | what is deepest inside of us is fundamentally not good |
| knowing that I was eventually going to lose everything I | | | | – original sin, the id, etc. So, if one should sincerely |
| cherished about being alive – especially life, itself. | | | | seek the Truth, what he or she will ultimately discover |
| “Why was I born if only to die?” was the | | | | is that one’s True Nature is bad. And how could |
| question that plagued me. I literally could not sleep at | | | | one live with that knowledge? And so we are afraid |
| night. And I could find no solace from either of my | | | | of looking into things for fear that we won’t like |
| parents. So I learned to deal with it by controlling my | | | | what we find. From my experience, however, what I |
| breath (I thought, “If I keep breathing, I will stay | | | | have found to be deepest inside myself (and all |
| alive.”) – a habit that deadened my spontaneity | | | | beings) is pure love, compassion, wisdom, and |
| and inner freedom for decades to come. | | | | understanding. It’s just a matter of looking deeply |
| This issue wasn’t resolved until I finally faced death | | | | enough to see what’s there. |
| directly, within myself, and saw that what I was really | | | | We are also afraid of letting go of the known. Even |
| afraid of was not death, but aloneness – existential | | | | though we may be aware of our suffering, at least we |
| aloneness – being all alone, forever. And when I | | | | are familiar with it. We may even have become |
| opened to this Aloneness, needing to know what it | | | | comfortable with it in a peculiar sort of way. We have |
| really was, my consciousness opened to my | | | | made a kind of pact with our suffering: “I won’t |
| wholeness and my interconnectedness with all | | | | bother challenging you if you promise not to get any |
| existence – the all-one-ness. And I have not been | | | | worse.” In essence, we are afraid to change |
| lonely or afraid in the way I used to be since that | | | | because we have an unconscious belief that things will |
| defining moment. | | | | get worse if we let go of what we know. What I have |
| This story exemplifies the underlying principle of | | | | learned, however, is that the only place that there is |
| courage. Having courage does not mean that one | | | | true peace is in the place of absolute letting go – |
| does not have fear. It means that one is willing to face | | | | the place of “not knowing.” From this place, I am |
| the fear – to face Fear (the one underlying fear | | | | able to respond freely and directly to the |
| that all other fears come from), itself – in order to | | | | circumstances of my life. |
| know the truth about something. In a very real sense, | | | | We have taken on an identity, an image, a set of |
| one could say that Fear is the separation from the | | | | beliefs about who and what we and the world are all |
| Truth, and that courage is the willingness to go through | | | | about. We see our lives through this set of beliefs. If |
| fear to get to truth. All fears, then, refer back to the | | | | we were to let go of these ideas about what reality is |
| one Fear that is our separation from the Truth of who | | | | we are afraid we would no longer know what is real. |
| and what we really are – our True Nature, our | | | | And that is a frightening prospect for us. We are afraid |
| undivided and interconnected Self. | | | | that our world would be chaotic and even terrifying. |
| Often, when people ask me what Heartwork is, I tell | | | | We are afraid that the Universe is not a benevolent |
| them that it is learning how to move through fear. | | | | place. |
| (Interesting, because the word “courage” comes | | | | And so we hold onto – cling desperately (like |
| from Latin and French derivatives that mean | | | | Gollum’s “My Precious” in Lord of the Rings) |
| “heart.”) Every “little” fear that comes up | | | | to – a set of beliefs about who we are and what |
| in our lives, if we can just allow ourselves to be open | | | | the world is that were created (primarily in an attempt |
| and vulnerable to it, curious about it – needing to | | | | to protect ourselves from experiencing pain) very |
| understand it, having to know the truth – becomes a | | | | early in our childhood, and are buried deep in our |
| doorway to a larger, less fearful part of ourselves. | | | | unconscious. These beliefs/self-images serve to |
| Every time we face a fear, we learn that we have | | | | separate us from Reality – what IS – and are, |
| the ability to move through fear, we become a little | | | | actually, the source of all our fear and all our suffering. |
| more courageous in our lives, and we get a little closer | | | | It is only by challenging/inquiring into these beliefs that |
| to the Truth of our Being. | | | | we can move through our fears and come to know |
| I often say that the difference between a child and an | | | | our true, courageous, free, open, loving, and peaceful |
| adult is that the child retreats from fear – chooses | | | | self. The great poet, Rainer Maria Rilke said, “The |
| to stay stuck in their fear of the fear – whereas the | | | | spiritual path is one of being defeated by greater and |
| adult faces fear – chooses to move through the | | | | greater beings.” In the process of inquiring into – |
| fear of the fear, into and through the fear, itself. So, in | | | | seeing into and letting go of – our false selves, |
| order to fully understand courage, we need to | | | | one’s awareness opens increasingly to the beauty |
| understand why we would choose to not face our | | | | and awe that is always present. |
| fears, but to continue to be afraid of fear. Why would | | | | One could then say that courage is being more |
| we choose to stay stuck in a limited, tight, fearful place | | | | committed to knowing the truth than protecting |
| when we could be free and open and joyous? | | | | one’s cherished ideas and images about who and |
| This, of course, is a huge question. But I think there are | | | | what oneself and the world are. |
| a few key things we can see that will be very useful. | | | | What beliefs do you cling to? And are you |
| The first question that arises in this inquiry is, “What | | | | courageous enough to challenge them? |